I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize