I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
