my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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