just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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