i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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