Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
