Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
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he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
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I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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