i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
