Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
