It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
