i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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