i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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