I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
