Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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