woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
