Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
