woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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