I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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