How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
