this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
