he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
