All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
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I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk