Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
