Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
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