so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize