i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
