best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
