put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
