I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize