She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
