If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
