Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
