And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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