eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
