I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
