Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
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