So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
