I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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