I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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