You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
