my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
