It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
