you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
