I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
