That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
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WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
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Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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