so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
