Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
