There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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