i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
