We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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