Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
