saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
