I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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