Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
tell me about the fingering
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