it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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