it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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