If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
