Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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