i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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