Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
well most of my day revolves around power hour
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
