yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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