I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
