4 words: hood of his car
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
