Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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