By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
