why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
