its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
