that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
