I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize