His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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