you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
