How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
