would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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